Merry Christmas to everyone. These last two and one half years have been a real learning experience for our family. Many of you out there have learned right along with us. I just want to say we were wrong to say Kole would be healed. We believed and wanted to believe that Kole would be healed! We wanted our firm faith to persuade God heal Kole on this earth. What we have learned is that God has all power and He could do and accomplish all things. He can heal anyone of anything. My little toddler spreads his nubby little arms apart wide and says "God made all things". With that said, He can do all things with what He has made. However, in believing God we have to realize we are under His authority. It says in Psalms 103:19 "The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all". I get that now and so does Janni and Steve. We were wrong, and God knows that and has mercy. We ask God to forgive us and now we have learned. It goes to prove you can never look to man for complete truth. Truth resides in the Father and in His Word. We desire to point to our good Shepherd. We are just sheep. We want to be sheep that hugs up against the Shepherd's leg. We desire to stay in God's presence. We desire to please God. We desire to make His name great. Please forgive us. Don't look to us--we are just sheep. We are just learning. Though we stand by the truth of God's Word, we do not know it all or understand it all. God keeps teaching us and we seem to learn the most through failure. I like to say we have "fallen foreword" as I have heard it said.
Anyway, Janni is as full of love as ever. She always has such kind words to say to me to brighten my day. We stay in contact regularly. She is faithful to call me and I am a bit ashamed to say that she does a better job than I do at dialing a phone. She told me yesterday that she had a special day with her students. She spoiled them by having a "Hot Chocolate Shop" (instead of a Coffee Shop). She dressed as a waiter and served and spoiled her students with kindness, love, and fun. Jesus was like that at the Last Supper. He served and spoiled his disciples by washing their feet. I bet they had a real party just basking in His love and kindness. Anyway, Janni has times when she just aches to touch Kole and hear his voice. She has difficult days and bouts of sadness. But, she continues to love and serve and grow. I am very proud of her. She could curl up in ball, like a sheep curled up in the corner of a sheep pen. But instead she continues to walk next to her Shepherd, in His strength.
Ellie is as cute and as charming as ever. She enjoys dressing up and likes me to curl her hair and put lip gloss on her little lips. She and Elijah were pretending to get married, on Thanksgiving day. They had set up a church with chairs and a miniature aisle. I was a guest at one of the "ceremonies". However, she was the continual runaway bride. Making her father proud. Pour Elijah was left standing at the alter numerous times. He wasn't ready for the responsibility anyway. Ha!
Judah is adorable and on the move. May I mention that he is an accident going some place to happen. He is a determined little guy, if only his body would cooperate. He falls over and gets stuck between couches and in other places that he is investigating. I would say that he is highly intelligent and advanced for his months of life. He cuddles and has the most beautiful bright eyes that I have ever seen. He loves his big sister and is ready to play.
Steve, has been busy coaching his basketball team and being a family man. I am amazed at his love for God's Word and his knowledge of it! Sometimes I wonder if he will one day go into the ministry, though he is in it right now. He starts his day with his Heavenly Father. I believe that is what is keeping this father from being crippled with loss and grief. For all our griefs are for Him to bear if we give them to Him.
I just want to add that we now understand the beatitude. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. God has kept His promise to comfort. We just need to be willing to allow Him in. Onward Christian Soldier. The baby Jesus came to die and save and train us to serve as soldiers of the cross. We have learned much in these last few years, may we use it to serve.

Jodi

Many are wondering how Steve and Janni are doing! I have to say they are ministering to others even in their grief. Steve has dedicated himself to the young men on his basketball team. Janni has come alongside him, helping to welcome these players in their home! They are staying very active. Their new home needed landscaping and so they are busy with that project as well. I long to be near them even as I write. There is such a comfort level I feel in being with my sister. Janni and I like to talk about Kole. We talk about what he would be thinking or doing if he were still here. Remembering him makes us happy. We laugh at the funny things that he used to say or do. I can still picture his snarl with such fondness and tenderness.It is funny how he has become even more adorable. Even his orneriness is adorable to us.

I cannot say very much how all this has affected Steve and Janni down deep. I know a little more about my mother's feelings because she has a need to express herself. I use to think that she has taken it the hardest, but instead I feel she has been willing to lay it all on the line. I did not realize and understand my own emotions very well, until my mom started talking to me about her own. Her honesty has helped me more than I can say. Not that we are mad at our Lord. We are not. We just have sorrow, grief, and hurt. I can remember a friend telling me about a video made for people who have lost loved ones. I think it is called Grief Soup or something. She watched it and it did not make sense to her, but it did to the person she was with who going through the loss. I can't make a whole lot of sense out of my emotions or even out of my feelings of physical heaviness and even mental confusion. I feel like my feelings and the hurt are all mixed up inside of me kind of like "grief soup". There is fear there as well. Fear, that life is not so innocent anymore. All these emotions and feelings, my mom and I are coming to terms with as being part of the process of making our way through grief. In the middle of the night, last night, my thoughts were filled with anxiety and hurt. It is incredible how comforting is our good Lord. I felt Him say that "you "will have hurt. I felt him ask me to lay my hurt at the foot of the Cross. To give the hurt to Him. As hurt floods my heart and my emotions, I am to continually turn that hurt over to Him.....for all my sins and grief are for Him to bear. It was after laying down those hurts at Jesus' feet in the wee hours of the night, it was only than, that I was able to rest and relax .I could feel the physical release from my chest and stomach which felt as if they were both "tied in a knot". I felt His great love for me. He is truly willing to bear our burdens given the chance. It has been therapeutic to realize that many have gone through these emotions. They have come over to the other side of grief and hurt. When nothing has been so painful before it is hard to judge what is normal to expect when grieving. It is interesting that in many ways I feel numb.In fact, most of the time I have felt numb. I don't know why I feel as I do! My mom said to me today that we will deal with grief all differently. I do believe that we need to deal with our hurt and our emotions. It is the people who have "gone before" that are best able to direct those who are about to pass through. If we do not work through our pain, than we stay at a standstill. God is good in the providing the encouragement we need to continue living. It is only in this world that we will have to experience great loss and great sorrow. We cannot get a way from it. We all have to die to this earth. There will be no loss or sorrow in heaven. Kole is free from loss and sorrow. I must add that the more we are willing to lay the hurt down----the hurt we feel from other's who have hurt our feelings---the more we will be able to love freely. Why do we want to stay wounded? It is a human condition that baffles me. I has been my own. It works to lay our pain all down. Our God is huge and able to carry it all. I can recall Steve carrying Kole's body down the stairs of his home. He said--this is the last time daddy will carry you. There will never be a last time for God to carry us. He carries us forever.

Jodi

Life has a way of getting ahead of you! I have wanted to write to everyone for some time. I guess the time is now. You may be wondering about my parents flooded basement. I have to say they really did get hit hard, but there are many other families in the area that experienced even greater material loss. I heard today that 500 families are without homes in the Ottawa area.

Janni and Steve were with my father through almost all of the clean up. It amazes me how quickly we were provided for! It was a whirlwind week. My parents had probably over four feet of water in their finished basement, which was full of belongings. God brought much needed help. We had a group of men from church along with other friends and family come to carry out loads of water logged stuff. We had friends and family come and help photograph and itemize belongings. There were volunteers from church who provided evening meals along with a family friend who provided lunch. It was truly a team effort! I believe that the work went smoothly because God was in it! He organized us and sent help. It was kind of like how God helped Nehemiah organize groups of people to rebuild the walls around Jerusalem in record time. Overwhelming jobs leave us dependent upon our God. He truly delivered us. He keeps challenging us to come together as a family. We are learning to support one another side by side. Each of us having a part to play. We are not meant to be so independent!

One day while doing a study on in the book of Genesis, my memory was jogged about a conversation I had with Kole around two weeks before he died. Kole asked me one day "Aunt Jodi, why does God take our strength away?". I could not answer him then. Yet, I know the answer now----so that we will be made willing to trade in our "poor strength" for His "great strength". My pride would love to hold onto my independence and human ability to care for myself and for others. But, God keeps stripping me of independence. He calls me and you to Himself and to community. That is where true strength is found. The strength to lower ones pride and allow others to help. The strength of character that causes us to call out to Jesus for help. The strength to be willing to be dependent on Christ. He asks to carry our burdens along with our sin. He asks us to be willing to allow the servants His sends our way to minister to us.

I don't know what it is, but the story of the paralytic man in Luke 5:17-26 keeps running through my mind. He was a man completely helpless, probably for years. Then there were his friends. These friends tried to help this crippled friend anyway they could, only they were unable to cure his disease. They had to go the extra mile and carry the paralyzed man up on a roof. They did this in order to lower this ill man down into the center of the crowded house where Jesus was teaching. As the crippled man looked up to Jesus standing over him he could have said that his legs were just fine shriveled up and useless. He could have told Jesus he did not need His help. But, instead he came to Jesus weak and paralyzed by both disease and sin. He asked to be delivered and delivered he was. In many ways we can't help our friends and we are forced to bring them to Jesus. However, they too have to admit their need. Jesus can only help those who realize they need His help. We truly needed His help in these last two years and His help came. Many of you brought us to Jesus, through your prayers. Many of you brought Kole to Jesus, through your prayers. We thank you for being such devoted friends.

Love,
Jodi

I have wanted to write for some time. This will be a short post. Bluffton, which is Janni's home town and our parents home as well as my own, has been hit by flooding. My parents have experienced pretty severe property damage. Their finished basement received around 4ft. of water. It is a total loss. Janni and Steve came as soon as they could, bringing a large rented pump with them. They are "camping out" at our house. God has provided in so many ways, though I must say we are quite overwhelmed. God is good! He has sent many friends from church to help carry out our water logged possessions, provide food, encouragement, and prayers. Pray for our parents. It is hard not to get discouraged. We need wisdom and strength to organize and get the tasks accomplished that need to be done. We are again challenged to come together and support each other shoulder to shoulder. Today, I could picture Kole getting excited about working to rescue his grandpa and grandma. He would have been game for the challenge. I bet he would have worked hard to help. Leah, bless her heart has kept pestering me for an envelope because she wants to send her grandparents her four dollars. It is a blessing to pull together once again. By the way Jaelle and my two small boys got to watch a rainbow yesterday. We were and are blessed! Janni sends her love.

Love,
Jodi

A warm summer evening greeting to all! This evening as I was reading to my children before bed, I had not only noticed Leah wearing Kole's winter long sleeved Ohio State shirt---Leah herself pointed to her shirt claiming it as her favorite, because it had belonged to Kole. She looked sweet and cuddly in it and very feminine (unlike Kole of course). I smiled and yet my mind glimpsed a time when Kole was very sick and Steve had took a clean dry pair of Kole's navy warm up pants and gently put them on Kole. Kole was so thin at this time. His pants were very loose. The memory was a tender memory, with a touch of sorrow. Steve could not have been a more loving father gently dressing his son and speaking tenderly to Kole in reassurance. Both he and Janni hovered over Kole, caring for his every need. They did not think twice about what they were willing to do for their son. They did it with joy! My grandfather always had a saying that went something like ---if you want to, you don't have to. Love has a way of fueling our care and our touch and our "want to". Steve and Janni were fueled by love. The love was fueled by God alone. His love never runs dry, but reproduces itself and is extended to all. I know I have said this countless times, but, for it is truth that requires repeating. God does not have an exclusive club. We can only choose to exclude ourselves. I believe Janni and Steve are a reflection of their heavenly Father in this way---if anyone approaches them, they will welcome you with open arms and you will sense that they value all people.

It is hard to loose someone you value. We valued Kole and longed to be near him for a longer period of time. God however created Kole and values him even more! We were taught that God has claim to what He has made. He is right in all He does. It says in Psalms 103:19 "The Lord has established His throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all." God ruled that Kole was to return to Him. God welcomed Kole and values him even more than we could ever know. We get tiny glimpse of how He welcomes with Janni and Steve's example, for they are disciples of Jesus. But, let me tell you, Jesus dresses Kole and wraps Kole in perfect welcome and perfect love. Kole is valued by God. Kole is at home with His Maker. Kole lacks nothing. We may lack our loved one for a time, for that is the plight of this fallen earth. Yet, We who believe will never lack our God. He is the "With of God". God is "with us" past, present, and future. There is no separation. Why does God allow human family members to separate from one another--- because He is always reminding us that He provided our human companion ships to bless us but never to complete us. Also, we are never to complete our human companions. We are to compliment our human relationships and be helpmates to one another. We are to point our beloved family and friends to our Maker. As well as remind each other of His love, speaking His Word and truth for accountability. God alone is all sufficient. That is a tough truth to swallow, but it is truth. We see Kole as precious and we want him. We desire to see God as even more precious and want Him even more. The Bible says that we are to worship the Creator above all created things including people.

For me it is important when memories of Kole flood my mind, that I control my thoughts and think about what is profitable. The enemy would like to get me to despair and think that Kole was abandoned and was suffering unbearably. The enemy is wrong. Kole was surrounded by a heavenly host. He is now in the presence of His Maker and that heavenly host. I believe Kole is truly at home with his Maker wearing the most "comfy" clothes imaginable! He has on his "Heavenly State shirt". It's colors will never fade and the fabric will never wear out! Praise His Name!! In fact, Kole is on God's team which will never loose. One day, I will be wearing the same --- I too will be clothed with Christ in new heavenly clothing. Will you?

Jodi

Hello to all! We have had quite a summer so far. Grace Elizabeth Conley was added to our family on June 21st. She weighed 7 lbs 15.4 oz. and was 20 inches long. We are pleased that she is a happy healthy baby. We realize that she is truly not ours, but belongs to God. He has entrusted us with her, to raise for His glory.

Judah looks like a true blond, blue eyed boy. I have pictures of the two babies next to each other, which I hope to share with you! They have brought lots of joy! Janni and I have fun laying them next to one another. Judah is in constant motion and has a tendency to bop Grace in the nose. I hope they will still be "kissing cousins". Judah is a complete delight and is irresistible! He twinkles and makes all kinds of baby noises. He has grown quite a bit as well.

We vacationed together in Tennessee this summer and had a wonderful time. Jaelle and her cousins did a lot swimming with their fathers and Grandpa Sprunger. We were quite the entertainment, wherever we went. We had two babies and six children. I was proud of how well the children played and loved one another. They were so happy just to be together and were very well behaved. Of course, it was not the same without Kole. We would have moments together when we talked of him and shed tears. My daughter has a leapster and whenever she plays it she plays under the name of Kole. I believe we want to keep his memory alive, for he truly is alive in heaven. We went to the Tellico Falls in Tennessee. They were so beautiful that I caught myself wondering about the beauty of heaven. I could picture Kole telling me the beauty of these falls, were nothing in comparison to what he was seeing. It made me smile and more anxious than ever to have him show us around God's heavenly Kingdom. We will be without fear of mosquito or tick bites. Steve and my older two children bravely were able to swing out on two rope swings landing into calm water near the falls. However, poor Steve injured his tail bone and my daughter managed to add a few rope burns on her legs. There is no fear of injury in heaven, which is another bonus for Kole. He truly knows no pain or sorrow. Janni was saying to me one morning that this earth has been tainted in a way to her. I guess it is true that we must in some way know sorrow to be able to minister to the many here on this earth who too have known sorrow. It says in Isaiah 53:3 ( which is quoted also in the New Testament) that Jesus was "....a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering". He knows our sorrow. He was not spared of sorrow as well.

I happen to listen to a sermon the other day about the places known in the Old Testament as "Cities of Refuge". These cities were specially set apart for those who accidently killed someone. There was a law that said that if a person murders another person they too would have to be killed. Those people who were guilty of manslaughter were able to run to those cities and could be safe from retribution. When the death of the High Priest came about, the man guilty of manslaughter was free to return home. The pastor preaching on this stated that there were many along the way to these cities who would point the way to refuge. It is Christ who is our refuge said this pastor. It is not the church and it is not people. It is Christ alone. He is our High Priest and He has died to set free to return home. It is the church that points the way to our one refuge, Christ alone! This Bible teacher, told this story of how he and his friend would get into mischief as young boys. The Pastor, teaching this message, would always run away from his father fearing his father's anger or punishment. But, his friend would always run to his father when he was in trouble. God is the loving Father who wants us to run to Him, even when it is our own fault that we are in trouble. He is a forgiving God. He loves to forgive those who run to Him for refuge. There is not one human so willing to forgive as our God. We fear running to Him only because we do know Him or because we believe the lie we tell ourselves about a distant God. He is unlike us in every way. He remains close and His love remains. It us who run away and become distant. He is called the Strong Tower, the City of Refuge, the Rock, A Mighty Fortress and on and on. When we get sad over Kole all we have to do is run to Him, our Refuge and comfort. Many times Janni has told me of running to God when missing her dear son. He has never failed to be her refuge. Even when she was angry with not understanding God allowing her sorrow, He still was her refuge and is her refuge. He is a willing refuge. We just need to be willing to humble ourselves and run to Him.

Pictures of Grace-- http://www.flickr.com/photos/joelconley/

Jodi

I am sorry it has taken me so long to write an update! There is something to say about the distraction of an upcoming birth and the preparation that it requires! Janni will soon be an aunt again! She is a fabulous aunt and my two girls threaten to dump me for her time and time again! My daughter was telling me the other day that aunt Janni always says "heck yah!" to all of her ideas and I happen to always say "no". We had a big laugh over her observation. Anyway, Janni loves my children and they know it and feel it!

I woke up this morning thinking about Kole's hands and feet! I do not know why this was in my thoughts! I guess when he was so sick I spent some time holding his hand and praying at his little thin feet. I can remember cupping those feet in my hand! I marveled at their creation and how God could create such beautiful hands and feet on my nephew! Hands and feet that were connected to a body that was so sick! He was beautiful even in sickness! He was handsome and my heart spills over with love for him! I do not think I could have learned about such love any other way than praying alongside his bedside! God was our teacher and our comforter and He brought beauty from ashes and strength from our tears. I was just thinking yesterday that that period time was like a dream and yet it was real. God was real and He was good! I would not trade His presence for anything! God bound our family together with His love! He used Kole to draw us together and to Himself.

Janni and I were driving together to a graduation party as she was telling me Kole was just separated from her for a time! She does not feel his loss, only the wait is difficult. I told her that I felt we did not have to stop loving him even though he is away and that we can take that love and pour it on the children God has left with us! All children are God's and He so graciously loans them to us to point them back to Him. We realize that He can ask for them back at anytime! We are thankful to get the chance to love them and teach them about the Source of our love. I happened to get to enjoy Judah David when we were together! I put him on the floor as he loves to move those arms and legs. He cuddles, which is rare for Janni's babies, but he moves constantly while he cuddles. He has been blessed with "high activity genes" from both sides of the family. Anyway, as he was laying on the floor he looked up with such love in his little eyes especially when his mom knelt down with me to admire him! He tries to communicate and is as bright as any baby I ever saw! I marvel at God's work in forming him and wonder what the future holds for him! I am sure it shines brightly. He is God's baby and we get to hold Judah and enjoy him knowing that God has a special plan for his life. It will be exciting to watch it unfold before us! I believe he and "Grace" (baby not yet born) will be close cousins much like Leah and Kole were.

I will miss watching Leah and Kole play with each other here on earth. Leah said the other day that she would be upset if she gets to heaven and Kole is still a kid and she an adult! She wants another chance to play with him like old times! I told that to Janni and we were both filled with tears. She said isn't that so sweet. Love is sweet! We would have nothing and no one if we did not have a sweet, kind, and generous God. We would not have these precious moments and memories. He is just and good in all He does, even when it seems so hard. God will guard our hearts and grow them as well! Kole does get to play with many of his friends from St. Jude and that brings a smile to my heart and a comfort as well! I am sure they do not get into any fights, but enjoy pure bliss~

Jodi





Jodi

To the One who commented today! I just want to say the GOD of this universe loves you with an undying love! My heart jumped out of chest for you and your grandson! I know what it is like-- for my Leah (age 7) is struggling too! I do have to say, that the loving prayers of my sisters-in-Christ have brought her comfort! I am seeing many more smiles on her face! Her smile blesses me so--- with her two front teeth missing! Her eyes even have their twinkle back. I will pray for you and your grandson. You are special, I can tell. I too talk to Kole. Not like I talk to God. I tell him about all those who loved him and about the job he has left us to do. I just want him to be proud of the way we are carrying on his legacy. I can remember one day when he was so sick, and his mom was carrying him to go upstairs---Kole looked at me with love and the most precious grin! He could really love! He could get annoyed as well, for he was very human. I loved watching him wrap his body around my parents in the most enveloping hug you can imagine. He always coupled it with a squeeze and a sparkling smile. All this love being a reflexion of his heavenly Father. Where did our family get this love? It was never sourced in us! We have just known a taste of God's love and it has flown through us. We have not always been perfect in our love. Perfect love can only be experienced in heaven in the presence of God. I know Kole is feasting on amazing, perfect, and mind boggling love. All his annoyance is gone! Kole would tell us to take God up on this love that God so freely offers! We are all invited and we are all the same in value! The difference between the one true God and any other religion represented in this world.......is the fact that "God so loved the world, He GAVE his only Son". God sacrifices for us! Other religions asks for us to sacrifice ourselves or earn our way through good works. Other religions lead its followers to never be sure that they have done enough to earn heaven. God sacrificed His life, while we were yet sinners. Jesus earned it and we just accept it and receive forgiveness and heaven. He never asks for us to earn His love and forgiveness. He never asks for us to die on any type of our "own" cross for Him. He, in fact, tells us to get down from "our cross" (or attempts to pay for or earn His love) for He took our place. What He did for us was enough and complete. We are free and we do not have to add a drop of our own blood/sacrifice more. His blood is all we need! Kole did not sacrifice in dying young. He gained! It takes faith to believe that God loved Kole completely and fully in taking him to heaven at six years and two days. The enemy tells us Kole sacrificed his life in his death from terminal brain cancer. God was with Kole every step of the way. He was surrounded by love and I am positive that there were a host of heavenly angels ministering to his every need! God never turned His back on Kole, like He did to His one and only Son. He was forced to turn His back on Jesus when He became contaminated by the sins of the entire world! We all die, but not for our sins! Unless we choose to pay for them ourselves, instead of allowing God to do it for us! God died for Kole, now Kole truly lives. We cannot pay for ourselves and get to dwell in God's presence forever. If we attempt to live without Him in this world and pay without Him, than we choose to live without Him for all eternity. Living without God is darkness and emptiness! We are living without Kole and still have the light of Christ! Kole was a huge blessing and was our beloved boy, but he was never the source of our light and our love. God is calling us to His light! He calls us through our blinding tears as He leads us to Himself and to His hope. Sometimes, He blinds us with our tears, so that we can hear His call. I believe He is calling---Kole would say "go"! Kole would want all who loved him to be near him for all our eternal future. But most of all, he would want to share his treasure--being his Lord and your Lord. I cannot tell you the joy we feel, as a family, when you out there join the body of Christ with us! It wipes away our tears of sadness and loss and brings tears of joy and great gain. We cheer for you out there and value you all! Just as you have valued us and our Kole! We are all a product of our valued God, who values us with undying love.

Jodi

Not ever experiencing a death of someone so young, it is hard to know what to expect! God has not given us past experience to draw from, to which I am grateful! I believe that to be true with parenting and marriage as well. Life is truly a pilgrimage. I am glad God is our teacher, for He is patient and gentle in His leading and direction. We can look back and see His hand in our lives.

I have to say that we, as a family, had experienced Him in a way that we cannot explain! His presence was so real, that this earth, though we were still breathing and walking on it became less of a reality than God Himself. For most of our lives, the earth has been our center focus! We are a people who are scientific and depend on our sense of touch, sight, taste, hearing, and smell to govern much of our lives. But, when all those senses fail to get you through a heart wrenching and unbelievably difficult situation---then God. God became our rock and our fortress. We could not use our senses. We needed to learn to use faith. He helped us and led us all the way. In fact He carried us. Now, that we are back down to "earth". It is an adjustment, for we do not want to go back to living independent from Him. But, we do not have the dire situation holding us to His side. Today, it is a choice! Before, it was "do or die". I have learned that there was no way that Janni and Steve could not have stood this valley unless our Shepherd became very real and up close. There is so much more to our God, than what we in our finite minds allow us to believe. He is bigger than all trouble. He can speak our to our hearts very clearly and gently. He can speak through His Word. He can give a sense of peace and calm when all is shutting down! When life goes "spewing" blood, God can sustain and give us Himself as unbelievable comfort. Why does God allow such difficulty to His children? I can remember praying for Kole two days before Kole left this world---seeking God on my knees in such desperation. God's tender voice came through with such love,--" Jodi, Kole will live". I had immediate peace! However , two days latter Kole died. So , I thought to myself did I mis-hear Him. Like, I said this has been such a journey and God has chosen not to reveal all His lessons at one time. Yesterday, that lesson hit home and I know it was God, Himself teaching me! He is a kind teacher and I would have no other "principle" teacher in my life more than Him. His lessons can be difficult, but as Beth Moore states about trials--- hang on until the blessing comes. God will use your background everyday for you, instead of against you. She also says that this will cause the enemy to fall into the pit he designed for you. Anyway this was the lesson God so gently taught me.

I had been participating in a Bible study called "The Patriarchs" by (of course) Beth Moore. We have gotten to the last weeks lesson. I came upon this portion of scripture. God had pulled Jacob aside to reassure him that it was of God's own design that Jacob (new name being Israel) should move his entire family to Egypt, as Joseph had suggested. In Genesis 46:2-4 God spoke to "Israel in a vision at night and said, 'Jacob! Jacob!' 'Here I am,' he replied. 'I am the God, the God of your father,' he said. 'Do not be afraid to down to Egypt, for I will make you a great nation there. I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again.
And Joseph's own hand will close your eyes."

When I read the 7 words I put in bold print, God reminded me of how He whispered in my spirit to not fret because "Kole will live". God always keeps His promises and yet how can that be when it was not fulfilled for me to see! Well, it happened to Jacob. God promised that Jacob would come back to the land. Yet he never did see his home land again in his lifetime. Jacob died in Egypt. His future generations did, but he did not. At least not while he breathed and walked this earth. I realized than, that God is prying my eyes open to see past the end of my nose. He was telling me that Kole is alive. That heaven for a believer is living. I did not see the reality of heaven in that way! I looked at it through "human eyes" and not "God's eyes". I was looking for the "here and now". God was trying to teach me that "heaven is here and now" even though I had to depend on faith and not on experience. His promise is fulfilled, though not in the way I expected. I wondered if Jacob thought when he was dieing if maybe he mis-heard God. Beth Moore explained it like this "God's promise to bring the patriarch back was to Jacob's family line and not just his dry bones". She goes on to say, "Modern, drive-thru thinkers like you and me frame events in such immediate terms we decide we either misunderstood God or He misled us if His promises are not fulfilled in our personal lives".

The promise is fulfilled or will be fulfilled, even when we have to wait to test it with our senses. God's ways are much higher than ours ways and His thoughts are unfathomable. He is right in everything He does. Even in this great hurt and loss, I know He is right in allowing it! It will not always be hurt and loss. Some day, He will turn it into healing and victory. I am clinging to His ankles, until then. We have to go through the process of healing in order to be, an even better "whole" again. It is healthy and good.

I pondered why God does not microwave our healing and give instant answers to our dilemma's more often. I believe it is because lessons that take a "process" to learn are more transforming and have broader effect and testimony, than those just given to us without much agonizing. "No pain, no gain". He is developing character and His likeness in us, through our seeking Him for answers through our struggle and in our struggle. I believe we all have struggles, as God pries our fingers off this world. To seek Him, is to have victory! To seek rebellion and bitterness, is to experience more despair and defeat! I have faith that victory is in store through seeking Him through the grief. We cannot bypass grief. We will all experience it. Take His hand and we will walk with Him together through the "fiery furnaces" of this life. Until the other side, when we will understand what real "living" is all about! Being in His presence constantly and consistently is real living and real loving! We truly have no clue yet, what that is all about! Faith looks to our future home with welcome! Our senses want to stay, where we know and experience life daily. We are better off growing our faith, and keeping our senses in check. We need to remind our senses that God is real!

Jodi

Hello to all! Here it has been almost one month, since Kole went on before us-- to our real home and to our real Dad. We have had some working through times this month! Janni is doing well. She deeply misses her precious son. Steve just finished reading the book "90 Minutes in Heaven". He loved it and has been sharing about his faith in Christ wherever he goes. It makes this sister-in-law very proud to have him as a part of our family! Anyway, I would say that the transition has been the most difficult (on my end) on my seven-year old, Leah. She was so crazy about her cousin Kole. As soon as she could speak to pray in Sunday School, Kole would be her number one prayer request. Even before Kole became sick, her Sunday School teacher came up to me and asked who this "Kole" was! Leah has been his loyal fan from the time she was a toddler. I can remember seeing Leah with a pouting face in so many pictures we had of Kole and my children. She was always pouting when Kole chose to sit with Josiah or Hannah over her! I can remember her saying that it would not matter if Kole liked her or not, or was sick, or anything--- for she chose to love him through thick and thin.

She has demonstrated "a love" that puts me to shame. Her "human love" being deep as it is, is truly nothing in comparison to God's steadfast love for us! God's very nature is love. He is the source of love. He has undefiled love. It is hard to believe that He loves us still, even when we stray from Him or become "ugly" in our attitude or actions. His love does not fluctuate. In fact, if given a chance God will demonstrate His love over and over to you every minute of every day! It is "us" who block His love, for His love is free flowing. I have done some blocking of His love lately and have experienced needless suffering due to it! I then find myself going on to pray that my daughter, Leah, senses God's love for her. When, I am rejecting it myself! Guilt has been my culprit and blocker! Trying to get back to raising my children, taking care of my spouse, and to the mundane duties of house and home has fueled my guilt. The "enemy" has been my accuser! He does not give us a break to grieve! God will turn "his" schemes around I am sure! I love to see God back fire satan's evil!

Getting back to Leah. She has had some grieving to do! She has felt ill since Kole died. I took her to the doctor, who said that she looked pretty good except for some swollen glands. Some wonderful sisters-in-Christ pray with me on Thursday mornings. They poured out their hearts, before the throne, this past Thursday for my daughter. I felt so loved, as they loved my daughter through their heartfelt prayers! Leah happened to see Kole just after he died. My dear prayer partners feel that God will use that experience in her future ministry. He was just a shell and she could tell that Kole was not there anymore! I can remember his frail lifeless body. A light bulb turned on in my head the minute I saw that his spirit had left. This world is just a "dying shell" in comparison to the world to come. This world seems like "our reality" until you get a glimpse of what" it truly is" through watching a person pass from this life to the next. You see what is left behind! What is left behind is an empty shell. Just like a locust shell found on a tree trunk! The life in it has moved on! Leah has many questions--some which are so deep and so thought provoking that I can hardly believe she can ponder so deeply at such a young age. She has been wondering why we even want to live here in this dying world. She truly thinks that going to be in heaven with Kole would be much better than staying here. She wonders if she truly loves God or if she just wants to escape hell and go to heaven?

We had a wonderful Sunday night church service, this past Sunday. A young father, in his 20's, was sharing his heartache at watching his young wife go through cancer surgery, chemo, and radiation. He stated if God takes her, he too would be jealous! She gets to go be with the Lord, and he would have to wait. He and Leah are of the same mind in that regard. We ended the service by singing "I'll Fly Away". Afterwards, Leah was perched on my lap as she said "I was just thinking about Kole when we sang that song. It made me sad!" She said, I think it would better to go to heaven now as a kid, don't you? To that, I pointed at my stomach that she was lying against! I began talking, as God was leading me-- "do you know what, Leah? You have a new baby sister coming soon and you have a job to do! You need to tell her about Jesus. You are her big sister. I also said that Kole was the big brother in his family. Now, I bet he would like it if you took over his job. That means you need to tell baby Judah about Jesus! She then, pipes in with a smile, "and Jaelle too". Jaelle has now taken on Leah's dedication and the tables have been reversed! Jaelle loves Leah, as Leah has loved Kole!

In many ways, our whole family has a new excitement for the day when we all get to "fly away"! But until then, we have a job to do! That job is to love God, love those still here, and spread the Good News of Jesus. May the Good News fly to ends of the earth! May it be God's love, His Word, and the power of the Holy Spirit that sets and fuels our flight!

Luke 17:33 "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it"

John 12:24-25 "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But, if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will loose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

Jodi

God is good! Here I am typing at 12:59 A.M. My family has been struck with an intestinal virus and so here I am awake as my daughter is now affected by stomach upset! I happened to begin reflecting on the last month, as I shut my eyes to go to sleep! I thought of how our "family" was able to experience God's presence in a powerful way. Now, do we give up on experiencing it, even though we did not get the answer we wanted? Is prayer powerful and effective? How do we know? How do we stay motivated to stay close by His side? Well, I will tell you one thing! The challenges of this world do not end, and so we cannot go very far going "solo"! My own children had to ask me, if I had prayed about getting over my stomach upset! I really did not, for I just took it as part of life! Strange after pursuing God so intensely, would I forget so soon to get on my knees! When, I finally took my children's advice, God not only restored my health and energy, but also gave me peace and joy! Do not wait to pray, I waisted much time on the couch!

Anyway, as I thought and prayed in the dark this evening, God seem to cast some light on my questions! God and His Word are kind of pursued like seeking a "scientific discovery"! God cannot be put into any kind of scientific limit or formula! But, He requires dedication and study! We may even make mistakes, but that only helps fuel our knowledge of Him and His direction. He is faithful to keep going with us! It is too easy to give up when hitting a "road block"! We struggle with the fact that God requires us to allow Him to make the decisions and to decide what is good and best. This never limits our discovery, but only blows our "discovery" out of this universe! I can remember praying for Kole and not giving God, in my heart, the right to do what He wanted! I wanted Kole! God wanted Kole! I have learned that to pray under His authority, means having His authority. I also learned to trust Him, over myself. I will still pray for God's healing touch, yet under His authority. God is a good and righteous authority! We have difficulty trusting authority here on earth, because we see so much corrupt leadership! Our enemy tries to make God seem corrupt! He did that to Eve in the garden! She bit "right into it" and listened to the snake! God's authority led to the "tree of Life" and to the garden of Eden. Satan's authority led to this fallen, diseased, and sin ridden world.

Does God want us to give up on His presence? No, He wants us to learn and keep going on our pursuit to know Him, His Word, how to pray, and how to live and obey! There is no going back to living dependent on ourselves, and the "easy road"! God has reminded me with this "intestinal bug" that He still desires attention and involvement in our lives consistently and constantly! Is that a drain--- to require such dedication. No, instead He fills us with His amazing strength and wisdom that comes through His Spirit! The Spirit is called a "stream of living water". The Spirit's power and ability flows and never runs dry. "Burn out" comes--- when we attempt to take on our troubles and responsibilities by ourselves, in the limited strength of our flesh and will. We, then, run out of strength and become overwhelmed with the burdens of this life! God's burden is light! It is difficult to fight against what God wants! What He wants is much better for everyone. He knows all and is unlimited! How do we know what He wants? We open ourselves up to Him, we open up His Word and diligently seek Him in prayer! We than know we are His own, for He becomes very personal. We can truly say we "know Someone in high places". "Someone" who has all say and all power. This is the discovery of our loving Creator God and Father of this universe. If you feel like you are a "no body" in ability to impress this world! I want to remind you that we are here to build His image! His image is already complete and not lacking anything! So, we get the simple job of pointing to Him, who is worthy to be praised. No person is worthy of praise! It is hard and empty work attempting to build our own image! I was free the day God redirected me to invest my life, building His image! I do not feel like a failure anymore, when the "Jones" pass me up!

I want to remain open to His leading! I think of what Jesus said to His Father, " Not my will, but Yours be done". It takes immense trust in God to allow Him to have that freedom and authority in your life! I have found that "He does not strike you with lightning" on the spot (Ha!--I can actually remember cringing when giving God permission with my life). He does, however, light a fire in you ! He gives you a purpose, a hope, a love, and a relationship with Himself that blows your imagination. I would never want to go back. Giving Him the driver's seat in my life has led to meaningful, rich living and an close loving relationship with Him. God decides the day your born and the day He comes for you! You decide whether to cooperate in the in between! He makes our life a success! He does the "sweating", we do the "bowing on our knees"! It is much more relaxing and comforting, to be on our knees! Anyway, God's sweat does not stink! Ours does!

God is free to pursue and the reward is huge! I tell my children whenever they read God's Word or pray, that they can look at it like putting money in a "spiritual bank account"! I had them memorize Psalms 103, when Kole was first diagnosed with cancer! I paid them ten cents a verse and threw in a few more coins when they would meet extra challenges! When they were done they had a little over 2 dollars to spend at our small town coffee shop! However, I reminded them they had 2 million plus in their "spiritual bank accounts". Sometimes, we feel trapped by our lack of education, status, and finances. We do not feel, we have what we need to make our physical dreams a reality! God gives us everything we need to make Him a reality. He has already paid for our tuition. He makes life happen in more abundant ways than you can ever dream or scheme up! He is free for the asking! He unties your hands and remakes your dreams even better. He lets us out of our financial and relational prisons. Isaiah 61 states that He come to set the captives free and to release the prisoners. Sometimes, it is a blessing to have our hands tied! Then, God is the "One and Only" available to us! Being a housewife with small children, ties me down to my home! I do not have a retirement account with my own name on it! It is laughable, to look at my Social Security statement! However, I am free to study God's Word and pray!

Anyway, I encourage you to never give up on discovering what God has for you! Do not hold back! Build your "spiritual bank" account. Become a "scientist" seeking discovery. I believe that even in our failures or in God's veto, that there is even more to discover! He does not shut a door, but opens up the entire universe! Just like with the discovery of our antibiotics! It came with much failure. The discovery was really a fluke! I believe it was not a fluke, but the hand of God saying "watch this"---go my way! He pointed the scientist in the right direction! He will point you the best way as you build your "bank account" and learn from your discoveries! The Bible is a vast treasure, prayer helps you spend it or should I say invest it! God is worth it all! I would say God has made the most of our trial, by leading us to His side! He has kept us! We would not want to be anywhere else. Kole is just on "His other side"! We are both hugging God, but on different laps! It is like, we are at God's left lap and Kole is at God's right! There is comfort in that---God bridges the gap and we all share Him! Comfort would not last in having Kole here with us. Comfort lasts in having God!

Today I was fed this from 2 Thessalonians 5:24
"The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it".

This reminded me of the verse in Philippians 1:6
"...., being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus".

He truly does the "sweating"/work in us and through us.

Jodi

Hello my dear friends and prayer partners,
I am so sorry that I have not posted anything for quite some time. My hands became quite full with a newborn baby and my precious Kole needing so much attention during his illness. I have wanted to post many times but we just got internet capabilities a couple of days ago.

Anyway, I just want to thank everyone for all of your prayers, comments, bible passages, cards, gifts, love, concern, hugs, and tears. Kole was surely loved and we as a family have all felt it.

I cannot explain the emotional roller coaster that has gone on but what I can say is that God continues to bless our family. We miss Kole greatly but we are thrilled that he is healed, running, and laughing at us that he made it to heaven first. Everyday, we look at his cute pictures on the fridge and we want him back but we only would want him if he was healed completely. But then we realize that Kole wouldn't want to come back. Why would he? He has everything he ever dreamed of and much more in heaven. Knowing this gives me great comfort. Everytime I think I should have given him something or taken him to a special restaurant that we never made it to can make me feel bad. It does not take long for me to get out of the pit and realize that he eats much better food and plays on the fastest gators in heaven. He has not missed out on one thing. Praise the Lord.

I have to thank God for his great mercy. I can actually say that I am very happy. Even though I miss Kole I am happy. It is amazing how God takes care of every part of me. Someone was telling me that some people were very concerned for me because of the fact that I had faith that Kole was going to be healed by God. I don't know if these people thought that I would go into great depression or be mad at God if Kole would not be healed here on earth. I will yell it from every mountain top that our GOd is good and a loving God. No one, I mean no one, can go wrong having faith that our Lord Jesus can and will heal you or a loved one. With this faith and seeking the Lord through His word and prayer is healing in and of itself. God has healed Kole and he has healed my heart. I am constantly thinking about this verse in Philipians 4:4-7

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Refoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. THe Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOd. And the peace of GOd, which trancends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

YOu see that part that I put in bold print is the important part for me right now. The bible speaks constantly about trusting GOd or having faith in HIm. I did not need to guard my heart or my ego because GOd will do it for me. In fact, I asked my sister why wouldn't someone trust God. He is the best you can get. She replied with something Beth Moore says, "People do not want to be wrong." After going through this, I know that this is part of it and the other part is that we want to guard out emotions so we can prepare ourselves for the worst. But what I have learned is that it is ok to be wrong because God is never wrong. ALso, that we do not need to guard our emotions because GOd does it for us. Who do you want guarding your heart? God or yourself? I choose GOd. I know that if it were up to me to guard my heart I would be a mess. Only God can heal a heart that has lost a precious child. I know that Jesus has guarded my heart. He did not allow me to torture myself with anguish. Jesus is doing the crying for me. We put all of our trust and faith in HIm and He has shown His love for us better than any earthly father could do. For my own father cannot prevent me from having great sorrows but my heavenly father sure has. All I can do is praise my GOd because sometimes I just sit and think wondering how I am functioning. I know my God is so big and he has taken care of all of my needs.

Psalm 40:1-3
"I waited patiently for the Lord: he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our GOd. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."

Please continue praying for us as we know and can feel all of your prayers.
God Bless,
Janni

There are many questions that we have! What I witnessed from Janni and Steve was amazing trust! They truly trusted God with Kole! That has not changed! They are glad Kole is truly in God's hands. That trust came from studying God's Word and intense prayer! They had to know who they were trusting. They discovered in depth and detail, our loving God! He walked beside them and Kole the whole way, never leaving them or forsaking them! They will always cling to Him for clinging to God has been engraved into their being! My Aunt Jane had taught me about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego passing through the firery furnace in Daniel chapter 3. Her Beth Moore Bible Study pointed out that passing through a firery trial leading a person into heaven is the best refinning we can imagine. Why, because it brings the ultimate healing of body, mind, and soul! If Kole's body would have been healed here, he would still have to struggle with his fleshly sin nature. His mind and soul would still be struggling with sin. Now ,that has been healed as well. I did not necessarily see it that way before, but I do now! I was willing to take the sin nature and work with it! I was thinking today, as I was talking to a friend about our childhood memories, that our biggest growing times in childhood comes through failure! God does not need to be taught! He also never fails nor needs to. He does not need to grow or learn. His love is perfect. His plans are higher than our ways. We need to be taught and so, in His great mercy, He allows His children to experience disappointment! I am sure it is hard for Him to allow us to struggle and yet He knows that our character will never grow deep, if all is well all the time! We become stuck in a way! Our minds would be stuck here on this earth, if we had everything we ever wanted right now! God will reward faith and belief in bigger and better ways than we can imagine! It might not come the way we expected it or when we expected it! It all boils down to believing what we cannot see yet! I look around my church on Sunday and say to myself, "we are all here in this building to worship God, who we cannot see and touch"! God told "doubting" Thomas that you believe because you see, but blessed is the man who believes even though he cannot see! Everywhere we are tested on this! We believe we will get up in the morning, even though we cannot see the inner workings of our bodies or the unseen dangers in our environment. Today, my four year old said that we cannot hide from God, because He can find us anywhere. Nothing is hidden from God. There is so much hidden from us! We really are blind in a way! Why did God take Kole when we prayed and believed? Right now the answer is hidden from us. Heaven is hidden from us! Kole is hidden from us! The Throne Room is hidden from us! However, we can find some answers through seeking God through prayer. Also, God's Word is not hidden from us! The enemy of our souls does not want us to discover the hidden treasure found in God's Word! I can tell you that God is pleased not to hide His love for you! It written in the rainbow, in the sunset, in fields of harvest, in the mountains and valleys, in the ocean and in all the beauty of His creation! It is written in His Word and than He inscribes it on your heart! I find myself asking God all the time to reaffirm His love for me. He never fails to do just that! There is no one who loves you, like He does! Believe it or not, God's answer of "no"---was not a mean and unloving answer! It was not a punishment! It was His best answer for both Kole and the rest of us! We just have to believe in what we cannot see!

God makes us all so different! He tutors us "One on One" (Psalms 119)! He prepares us for our individual roll on this earth! Mine is quite small! For I spend so much time pondering, I do not always get a whole lot accomplished in the physical realm. I am not very efficient. I would make a terrible doctor and an even worse secretary! Anyway, do not feel unworthy if you question and struggle! Your heavenly "Tutor" is preparing you for His assignment for you. He is a patient teacher. Through this whole process with Kole, I have fallen many times. I have struggled with doubt and have mis-interpreted what God was trying to say and where He was moving. In times alone with God , I almost felt God brush back my hair in a very tender way and say to my heart "you are learning my dear child, get back up so I can continue teaching you"! He is so patient and does not expect perfection, just our attention and willingness to learn. He is the most kind and loving teacher! The enemy of our souls is trying his hardest to get us to give up on God or to get us to "think" God has given up on us. God never gives up on us!!!! We have to be tenacious in our pursuit of God, because we will get hit with these two temptations daily. God will never be tempted to give up on you. Reading the Gospel books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John in the New Testament will give evidence of this. I love the fact that Jesus chose very regular people, who had much to learn! They had their share of failure and still remained His beloved disciples. However, Jesus never failed them. His love never failed them. His death did not fail them! They did not understand everything Jesus was attempting to teach them when they were with Him, and yet it all became clearer as time went on! Now, I am sure the 12 disciples see Jesus' teaching as crystal clear as they are seated around the throne of heaven by the crystal clear "river of the water of life". Perhaps, Kole is sitting with them, who knows! Out of all the humans who were a part of Kole's journey, Kole is the only one who understands God's decision right now!


Here is an example of the Disciples feeling sad over and not understanding God's plan.

Matthew 17:22-23

"When they (Disciples and Jesus) came together in Galilee, he said to them, 'The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.' And the disciples were filled with grief."

Even when the disciples got to see Jesus come back from the dead, they only had the short extra period of 40 days with Jesus, until Jesus ascended up to heaven.

John 15:17
"Some of his disciples said to one another, "What does he mean by saying, 'In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,' and 'Because I am going to the Father'? They kept asking, "What does he mean by 'a little while'? We don't understand what he is saying."

"Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, "Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, 'In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me'? I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy."

Jesus also says in John 14:1-3
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

Kole loved a song by Audio Adrenaline ---It is about the Father's House--- it goes something like "It's a big big house with lots and lots of rooms---It has a big big yard where we can play football---That's my Father's house". Kole's favorite sport was football! I can still remember him singing that song sitting on his mom's lap in my dinning room.

May our grief be turned to joy!

Jodi

Janni and I enjoyed talking on the phone yesterday! I shared with her some of the comments you have made! She does not have internet access at her new home, as of yet! It was good to hear her voice chipper and full of hope and love! It is only God, I know! He continues to carry them through this lonely time! My mom is staying with Janni! I know today they are going on a shopping trip to the Detroit, Michigan area.

I was told a cute story about Jaelle! Kole has always taken on the roll of "policing" Jaelle! My mom had allowed Jaelle to use permanent markers with her aid. Jaelle, said she cannot wait to go to heaven and tell Koley, that she is allowed to use markers! My children were pretending yesterday and made a place for heaven and another place for hell! They have had their world expanded beyond the borders of this earth! Leah, keeps saying she cannot wait to go to heaven. Today, she said it would be fun to go to heaven as a child! My oldest son had said the same thing, when he was younger! I must say that I had my eyes closed so tight, to the thought of heaven coming at an early age! However, God in His wisdom has shown our entire family that heaven is not far off and not to be feared, even at an early age. Hell is to be feared, not heaven! Jaelle had counseled Leah, the night of Kole's death that she should not cry because Kole was in heaven with Jesus! Jaelle was smiling and happy to have Leah sleep in her bed and yet Leah was sad! Jaelle said "I know Leah , I will pray for you. Jesus can fix everything"! It was healing , hearing Jaelle pray for Leah. It was not long after Jaelle's prayer, that Leah drifted off to sleep! Jaelle however took a little longer, I have grown closer to my little niece as well. She is generous with her love. I soak it in like a sponge. I enjoyed her little frame sitting on top of my round belly and her small arms wrapped around my neck at the funeral! She has a new girl cousin to meet and love soon! Kole has helped grow our love for one another! I cannot tell you the love I have for my sister, it is amazing how God has knitted us together! Mostly through praying together and loving Kole together next to his bed! Those conversations we had, I will never forget! I will never forget how Kole could make Janni chuckle with delight and how her chuckle would never fail to bring out the most precious smile on Kole's face! There was one priceless moment I recall between Janni and I. We both were talking about our love for our Lord and the spiritual battle we had been fighting together alongside one another. This moment took place as we sat on Kole's bed around a week before Kole went to be with Jesus! We promised we would love each other's children as our own and work together to raise them to love Jesus! It was a beautiful moment that I will never forget. I ache to see her, as I recall it! I am proud to share so much "blood" between her! We share our physical heritage and the blood of Christ! We share our burdens, our triumphs and our children! We share love! This is the body of Christ! If you read in the beginning chapters of the book of Acts about the body of Christ, you see that they shared everything and became one family and served one another! I read those chapters and desire "history" (early first church history) to adopt me on the spot! It is a reflection of the great love of Christ working through whom He indwells! We welcome you, into our family! There is plenty of room and plenty of love. You know God takes us just as we are! There are no strings attached! The greater your difficulty, the greater His love and forgiveness! Amazing grace is what saved a wretch like me! We are full of struggle and far from perfect! God has taken us and made something amazing. He is the only one who can turn us around in our dysfunctions. He is our only hope for wholeness and healing! A testimony states how God has taken us from point A---despair and defeat, to point B---joy and victory! I sit back and marvel at His work! He has brought joy and victory out of the home-going of a small child. Show us your glory God,--- through your beautiful transforming work in our lives! To those who have joined the body of Christ, my heart swells with love for you----I say welcome! Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing".

Acts 4:32-34

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them."

You have done a wonderful job taking care of the needs of Kole and his family! Your prayers were and are the biggest blessing! We can tell you are praying! How can something so intangible be so affective! We will one day see all that prayer accomplished and accomplishes! Kole is seeing it now!

Jodi

I believe Kole would have been overcome with your love, if he could have attended his own funeral! My sister would worry that his head would expand in pride. Of course, that is not a danger anymore! He no longer struggles with his fleshly weaknesses!Thank you for such compassion and support shown. I am sure Kole would be relieved to know his parents were well taken care of! I believe Kole has indirectly rescued more people in his six short years, than most people whose lives spans through many decades has had opportunity to do. He is pleased I am sure. We can call him a "rescue hero" for Christ! We love you Kole! You are forever engraved on our hearts! I am sure Jesus is entertained with your conversation, we certainly were! I also know that you are enjoying Jesus! We only see Christ in part here, and have difficulty keeping Him the center focus!

Getting back to a normal routine, for me, has been difficult! The emotional and physical drain of the last few weeks has taken most of my "energy"! I have not been home to call Janni and so I wonder if she feels the same! Looking around my house I see the neglect and the work to do!Our "historical" home always has repairs waiting! I am looking at a window screen flapping in the wind, reminding me of my two year old who had taken it upon himself to take a small screen tear and make it bigger---much bigger! When it happened it did not phase me, for Kole's struggle was so much more significant in my mind! I look around and at all the burdens of this life and know for sure that God never intended for this to be our permanent home! My plea to God is that He will keep us in the palm of His hand! I marvel at our journey and how He blessed us with His presence! I never want to live without Him! That would truly be darkness and despair! Getting back to His Word and to our knees is everything we need to keep moving fore ward. I want to be like my nephew, having his courage. He really never worried about saving himself! I believe he has inspired us to focus on rescuing the perishing. We tried to rescue his life for him here, and yet Kole must have already known Jesus was his "Rescue Hero" and heaven was his home.

Now what do we do? Isaiah 50:4-6 and 10.

"The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He awakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back."

"Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on His God."

Amplified version "Who among you who [reverently] fears the Lord, who obeys the voice of His Servant, yet who walks in darkness and deep trouble and has no shining splendor [in his heart]? Let him rely on, trust in, and be confident in the name of the Lord, and let him lean upon and be supported by his God".

God's word is truly a light to our path and to our healing!

Jodi